it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up under a house in Key West
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