I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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