I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
