dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's just like the Real World with babies
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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