Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
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So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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