I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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