we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
