mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
