when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
