I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i now understand why vodka
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
