I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
