Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
