The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
