At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
