mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
