Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
