CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
