if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
