in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
