dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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