i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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