Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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