proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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