We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
