We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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