Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
