I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
