I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
