I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
