i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
