All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
