My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
