I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
