just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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