I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
