so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
