Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
