I can't watch pbs sober anymore
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
