he thought i was a dude.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
