I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
