note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
