DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
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