i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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