We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
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I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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