So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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