You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
