I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
