someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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