watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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