UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
