If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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