I'll bet she douches with gravy.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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