You just made me feel so damn special
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
