There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
