I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
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It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
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Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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