I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
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somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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