Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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