omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
