i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
