omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
