well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm too high and old for this...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
