my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
