We're facebook friends in real life
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
