just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
