i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
