I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
