I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
