guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
