she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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