is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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