Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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