Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
