My sheets look like a crime scene.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
