did you get engaged???
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
