He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
